I wrote this April 9th, and tweaked it a bit on April 10th.
On October 9th, after 2 1/2 hours of a hydroplaning drive through a thick blur of rain, a dry martini and a Cosmo were ordered to get us down from Splash Stress Mountain. Returning from the boys room, I sat down, and before taking a first sip asked, “Are you happy with this thing we have going, because I’m not?” Quietly she said, “I know you’ve been unhappy.” And with that, some 20 years of my life invested in another was over.
There’s no blame here. We simply wanted different things and slowly those differences became irreconcilable. Unlike a marriage though, there was no untangling of assets or unpleasantries with lawyers. The next afternoon we has one last embrace, both said “l’m sorry,” and we just walked away. That was 6 months ago – a 180 degree spin around the sun. It was also the 6th anniversary of being back together in a relationship that began in 1995. Yeah, time can be perplexing.
I do miss her sometimes, and think of her often. I hope she’s ok. I’m not sad and have no regrets. I have a wonderful life and no complaints. Every day reminds me of practicing meditation. It’s simple really, but a continuous challenge. When I feel my “monkey mind” wandering, I simply stop, focus on what is, and begin again.