Seven and a half years ago, I wrote, “Approaching the 13th hole,” using 18 holes to demarcate one’s life. Today’s calculation has me realizing I misinterpreted the math back then, and today find myself already off the tee on the 15th, probably looking for my ball in the woods after a slice. Yeah, it can be a frustrating game just thinking about it. “They” say golf is a mental game. Actually, A quote attributed to Jack Nicklaus is, “The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% physical,” but if you think about it, every aspect of life is a mental game. Human physical, cognitive, emotional, social, and spiritual attributes are orchestrated by the brain. Of course, not everyone agrees, but let’s just go with “life is a mental game” for now.

A little over three months ago, I was retired by my former employer. I’d intended to retire at the end of 2025, so getting a six-week paid vacation as part of a severance package gave me time to think about and plan for post-retirement old-guy stuff like Social Security, Medicare, and the supplemental coverages that add up quickly. That’s a convoluted and overly complex process, but it was easy compared to the one I’m still going through. As Pete Townshend asked:

Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

Yeah, one quarter in since “the event,” I’m still in transition, peering across a blank landscape from who I was then, in search of who I am now. I think I may have been more attached to my work/professional identity than I realized. Recently, as I find myself seeking affirmation from social media, I’m curbing those impulses, especially on LinkedIn, where there’s still a psychological pull to be “relevant” and part of the conversation.

So now that my professional identity of “Director in a tech company” has been stripped like Chuck Conners’ stripes in “Branded,” well, “who the fuck are you?” Well, Pete, I guess I’ll start with father, grandfather, husband, and all-around swell guy. OK, I’ll cut that last one. My ego is damaged, so be gentle. As I write, I’m getting some ideas, particularly about teaching my children and grandchildren. Toddler Eliza enjoys hanging with her grandfather, and the feeling is mutual. With her parents both business owners, that “Manny” identity may be increasing. Wait, there’s more. Chef. Cyclist. Writer and aspiring comedian.

Retirement is a mental game and a work in progress.