A place to indulge my narcissism... and write stuff...

Because it’s There…

I can’t believe I missed it. The Digg headline was irresistible, and the ecollegetimes.com photo priceless, so with one click of my battery-powered mouse, I read that May was “National Masturbation Month.” OK. Stop. I want to use my imagination on this post and not just lazily pick from this comprehensive list of pud pulling puns. Not that “you know,” is limited to the male population, but unlike it being a “lifestyle” for men, women engage out of necessity, since most men approach making love with a woman like a ferocious game of Whack-a-Mole, present company excluded, of course.

My research soon turned up the Masturbation Hall of Fame and songs dedicated to the handy hobby including the Who’s “Pictures of Lily,” Green Day’s “Longview,” and the Divinyls classic, “I Touch Myself.” The Hall of Fame cited several pop culture references including Kevin Spacey as Lester Burnham enjoying hand made pleasure in the shower in “American Beauty” as his voiceover intones, “This is the high point of my day.”

My favorite cultural reference to self-satisfaction is, “The Contest,” a “Seinfeld” stroke of genius written by Larry David. Here’s the opening few minutes…

In spite of its universality among male and female, the subject still comes with a touch of taboo, although I’m sure Republicans would agree Democrats do quite a bit of jerking off and Democrats wish the Republicans would at least once in a while. Of course, it’s still a little embarrassing to be associated with the she-bop, as the family of this spelling bee winner might attest…

Still, you never know what might set your fingers fumbling, and you’ve got to be careful where you bone the bat (Oh, go ahead. Click it.). One poor guy ended up in a Craigslist post and then got his very own youtube vid. Check it out. It’s only 1:39 and then you can, you know, do whatever.

1 Comment

  1. Anonymous

    As Jackson Browne sings it-

    Looks like it’s me and you again tonight Rosie ….

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