The Star Trek series defines CDD as “A disease which continually breaks down and destroys the cellular structure of humanoid bodies.” The trekkie definition goes on to state, “Can be controlled through a complex series of fissure induced particle beams that are focused on the infected areas. There is no known cure.”

I’m concerned my cellphone is afflicted and Verizon is not focusing enough “fissure induced particle beams” on the affected area. Maybe it’s just me, but very often when I flip open my cellphone to make a call, the signal strength indicator quickly changes from this: to this .
It sometimes seems all I have to do is look at those bars to make them shrink into oblivion. Maybe I intimidate them. Just like humans, cellphones talk, listen, and can be incredibly irritating.

Often during conversations on heavily traveled routes 2 or 495, calls drop. In those cases, the little darling shoots three loud high-pitched screeching beeps piercing into my eardrum to announce “CALL WAS LOST.” Thanks. It is during those instances when I feel the urge to fire the little silver devil skipping across a body of water until the ending of inertia allows a slow sinking death in a watery grave. A “high, hard one” into a brick wall would probably also work in this situation.

Those impulsive actions of course would be stupidity, for if you ever experience a lost, stolen or broken phone, your friendly carrier will charge you full retail price to replace it. The $19.99 specials are such only when you sign your life to them for one or two year agreements. Full-retail is likely $199.00 or more. The wireless companies sell razor blades, not razors.

J.D. Power & Associates reports approximately one out of three cellphone calls had quality problems of some kind in 2004, including no signal, dropped calls, interference, echoes and voice distortion. Most problems are due to an inadequate number of cell towers and radios connected to the towers. Of course there’s a balance between perfect service and the cost to provide it that the carriers must manage, but the fact that most of them don’t allow “roaming” onto competitors networks hinders better service.

“Can you hear me now?” Uh, no.