Month: August 2007 (Page 2 of 2)

The Drive-In is usually great fun regardless of the image quality projected through the night air. Last night was no exception. My brother Corey joined Mr. Kyle Daley and his dad for a twin-bill featuring “The Simpsons Movie” and the film titled above. Now I wasn’t expecting the magic of the “Ratatouille” / “Harry Potter” twin killing of two weeks prior, but man… The new Adam Sandler / Kevin James non-funny joke of a movie was so bad we split before Jessica Biel got semi-naked, and we knew she was going to!

The “Simpsons” flick was funny like a 90 minute Simpsons episode including a hilarious “Austin Powers” takeoff of Bart skateboarding in the buff. It just wasn’t nearly as good as “Upchuck” was baaaaad.

I think Kyle Smith of the New York Post nailed it: “The movie isn’t insulting to homosexuals but to comedy.”

It was sometime in 1982 that we went to see “The Wall.” Enhanced perception brought the film to life. Without getting into too many details, one of the people I attended with became the protagonist that day and has remained trapped; scared and cringing in a dark corner, shadowed by the wall. While my night ended having a couple beers with friends, his concluded atop a table in a police station, raging like the Bob Geldof character destroying a hotel room, as four of a kind armed public servants struggled to quell the madness. It ended with a stage dive attempt at the difficult 3-6-7-10 spare combination.

At the time I didn’t see the strong relation between the human and the fiction, but I do now. [He just called at 6:30AM and out of nowhere mentioned “The Wall” he brought up in “group” last night and the feeling of being cradled by it all these years…] If only the violent swings of up and down had been examined then… 25 years of pain, darkness and destruction might have been avoided, or at least lessened. Now there’s finally acknowledgment and acceptance. Add words and modern chemistry to that and we have hope.

A research study conducted in 2000 by several British media organizations including the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) examined the use of swear words. It included, in order of severity, the top offenders. There’s a shit-load (“shit” ranked a mild #17) of information on swearing on the web. As a public service, I’ll list a few research sites and then review the top 10 and let you know whether the bastards will be banned from fifteenkey. You can just relax, sit back, and have a cupcake.

Online magazine Slate has a brief article on how a dirty word gets um, dirty. The British are way ahead of us wankers in the States. They have schools that allow swearwords, but within strict limits. Oh yeah, the use of the f-word (or derivatives like “fucker”) five times. “Over this number the class will be spoken to by the teacher at the end of the lesson.” I wonder how that’s working out. If you’re already out of school, or not, but believe you have a problem, you probably fucking do, arsehole! (#9) If so, you can learn how to stop swearing, but you must start by “Recognizing that you have a problem.”

On Bravo’s “Inside the Actors Studio,” host James Lipton asks every guest, “What’s your favorite curse word?” Here’s a funny (if you like swears) video of some folks blurting out their favorites. The prevailing response to Mr. Lipton is “fuck,” bleeped out, but always lip-readable and said with a smirk or twinkle…

Alas, “fuck” could only manage a third place show on the BBC list. Without further ado, here’s the top ten:

10. Paki – Huh? Since when is a place you can buy beers a bad thing?
9. Arsehole – Now we’re talking. Just don’t be one.
8. Bollocks – Balls. Pills. Whatever. Plus, it’s in the title of a five star record!
7. Prick – Wow. There’s such nuance to some of these. A prick is not just a penis, but an unpleasant and rude one. Then there’s the whiney prick…
6. Bastard – Illegitimate child. Hence, the typical usage, “little bastard.” Although, an overly large man can be described, not negatively as, “a big bastard.”
5. Nigger – Even the attempted rehabilitation as “Nigga” in the hip-hop community won’t fly here.
4. Wanker – Um, I never really knew this one, but an Australian woman I work with uses this one a lot. Sheeeeeee’s baaaaaaad.
3. Fuck – Short, but not too sweet. The one syllable wonder.
2. Motherfucker – Nasty, but it flowed like Van Gogh’s paint from the mouth of the late, great Richard Pryor.
1. Cunt – I’m not familiar with this one. It must be new.

In summary, 5 is out, and 1 is questionable until I get more data…

Finally, “God” made the list. Given the number of innocent people throughout history who have lost their lives or been discriminated against in the name of “God,” I can understand how it did.