Better Man

February 28, 2005 was Megan’s sweet 16th and the day I wrote my first post here. Now, 700 posts later on Thanksgiving Day, I’m thankful for this digital light casting out of the darkness. Contemplating the use of words takes a working head, but I hope that within the cold code that is HTML, the presence of a beating heart has occasionally nudged an EKG spike upward.

“Vanity vent” is an accurate description for any blog, and ego drives the belief that anyone would actually want to read what appears once the “Publish” button is clicked. I do know of a few faithful readers, and one of them is ego me. Having a near five year journal of life is very handy for someone in the pre-Alzheimer’s boomer set, and sometimes reading old posts is brand new, like reading someone else’s words. Other times, the story is so familiar; I don’t need the written word to recite it. One such post is “Love is Blindness” from Valentine’s Day 2007. It started out as my annual “Valentine’s Day sucks” post, but ended up in a place the Hallmark holiday can’t touch. That story is etched in my heart forever, but one line mystifies me:

“I still want to be a better man…”

I’m not sure why I wrote that, but looking back I know I’ve become… better. Whether “better” means “healed” or “improved” doesn’t matter. I’m both, thank you. Now on to a post I’d forgotten from May, 2005…

Music links many of my life’s pages and “Sweet Illusions” was inspired by a gorgeous Ryan Adams song. The short post was a dream of the future we have no way of knowing. I haven’t made the Napa plans, but the woman, the beauty, the music, the silence, the hands, the leaves, the kids… Illusions no more.

Happy Thanksgiving.