Month: August 2011

Over the weekend, someone who read my post, “…for as long as we both shall live” sent me this message:

“so i just read your wedding blog…really beautiful. I got the feeling you are leaning toward climbing the hill…?”

My response was couched with descriptions of family obligations as current priorities. Then I wrote, “Maybe someday…” What was lost in translation was the sound that went through my head when I wrote it and that has been with me since. The tone of the words came from a live version of Bruce Springsteen’s “Atlantic City,” when he ad-libbed the words after these lines:

“And everything dies baby that’s a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back.
(Yeah, maybe someday.)”

The Boss says the three words in a dismissive way, as if he doesn’t believe the hopeful lines before them. It’s understandable though, right? I mean, what dies and comes back? That “Live in New York City” record came out in 2001 and for most of the decade, its angst soothed me. As the decade drew near a close, it and other music feeding that particular emotional well became less relevant. I had grown to accept my life as it was, and let die a dream I thought it would be. The serendipity of a meal and a glass of Pinot with my son in California in 2009 punctuated the transformation. I was at peace with the road.

Since then I was stunned to learn that anything is possible and my solitary peace has evolved into sharing this life, supporting one another, and enjoying the journey together. And Love. That’s where I am and that’s where we are.

Maybe someday…

I went to a wedding Sunday. Actually, I was the best man, which was an honor given the respect I have for the groom, Alan Goldman. The event was described as “casual” to assist attendees with wardrobe, but the ceremony was anything but.

I hadn’t been to a wedding in years, but I do recall considering the ceremony as an obligation and the reception as the real reason for going, especially if there was a full mass. I’m sure a certain segment of the male population would agree, but Sunday I was suddenly not with them.

The event was intimate, with all 60 or so guests within 30 feet of the joining couple. My position was about five feet away, facing Judy, the beautiful bride with the sparkling eyes. I didn’t get much direction except from a wedding planner who said, “I’ll come get you when it’s time for you to get Pat,” (Judy’s sister) and, “Don’t drop these.” I was supposed to walk the Maid of Honor down the short aisle, “about halfway through” a song I had never heard. I started walking about four notes in… Twenty seconds later, Pat, Alan and I stood looking out for the bride while the music played… and played. It was probably only 4 or so minutes, but long enough for all of us to imagine a woman in a white-cr?me dress lowering herself out a window, but then Judy appeared and the Groom exhaled.

A female JP was at the helm for her 602nd wedding since she started in 2004. “They’re all different,” she told me afterwards. This one sure was.

From my vantage point I could see every face in the crowd and every one was paying attention. Dave, a long-time co-worker of Alan, was in the back with his Misty, and he was beaming. Alan’s 3 sons and daughter-in-law were right in front of me. The young men were understandably pensive. As someone who’s experienced it, seeing your Dad get married is a bit surreal.

Alan and Judy’s “I Do’s” were strong, but as the carefully chosen and beautiful vows began to flow, Alan ascended an emotional Heartbreak Hill, where strides get heavy, courage is tested, and many runners are broken…

The only certainty was that Alan was taking the hill. It may not have been as graceful as he would have liked, but as I heard the words. No, as I felt the words, I understood just a little of what he was feeling and had no doubt that if it’s ever me up there, I will stumble “up that hill with everything I’ve got…” and it will be wet with tears.

When most of us men get married in our 20’s or 30’s, the whole thing is a bit routine. It’s what you do. It’s what everyone does. You have your whole life ahead and marriage is a checkbox of sorts. School. Job. Marriage. House. Kids. Etc. But now, when you likely have less of your life ahead than behind, and you’ve with the woman, the whole love thing is on a completely different level. For one thing, the choice is made from a position of much more (well, some more) maturity. Not only do you savor every day with her, but every moment, because you’re not taking any of them for granted…

Just like on Heartbreak Hill when the cheers and encouragement of fans push runners up the hill, Alan had family and friends pushing him and Judy’s loving hands pulling him. He finished strong.

Congratulations!

I’m not at all happy with the performance of the President I helped elect in 2008, but in spite of the advantages of a stagnant economy and 14 million unemployed, the current crop of frothing Republicans has no shot of beating him. Still, someone has to be the Republican lamb, so let’s go to the lowlights:

• Rick Perry (3 to 1) – Governor of Texas, just like the last Republican president, and I think we know how that turned out. Actually, the destruction of that administration is still raging, but I digress. I’m hoping Perry wins the nomination just so Democrats in every race can run against the ghost of “Dubya.” Sadly, the brains in the party like Karl Rove probably know better than to nominate a Bush clone.
• Fred Karger (Off the board) – Hey Fred, there are no gay Republicans except you… You should go see Michele Bachman’s counselor-husband to “pray away the gay” so maybe FauxNews will let you in the next debate. Oh, and Mr. Bachmann takes Medicaid.
• Ron Paul (100 to 1) – Rep. Paul is my favorite politician because he isn’t one. He’s one of the most honest men in either party and therefore cannot be nominated.
• Michele Bachmann (10 to 1) – I kinda like her. She’s a strong woman who speaks her mind. I dig chicks like that. Unfortunately I disagree with pretty much all she stands for.
• Herman Cain – (1,000,000 to 1) “Hey, we have a black candidate too!” Rich dude on a very cool ego trip.
• Jon Huntsman (20 to 1) – I loved his book, “Winners Never Cheat.” It’s about not compromising your principles, even though that’s what he seems to be doing now that he’s running for president. Oh, you worked for Obama? Mormon dude, save your money. You’re going nowhere.
• Tim Pawlenty (2 to 1) – Probably the most level headed and reasonab… Uh, nevermind.
• Rick Santorum (8 to 1) – Parrots the social conservative talking points, but comes across as a lightweight who’s a little unstable. Fortunately, that doesn’t disqualify him here. He just might be smarmy enough to win the nomination.
• Newt Gingrich (His old Tiffany’s debt to 1) – Newt, Newt, Newt… Three wives doesn’t mean you have three times the family values of your opponents. You might have been able to overcome that with your ability to articulate, but dissing the Paul Ryan budget was the end of you. Still, have fun appealing to no one. When you finally face reality and quit, record a country song like Johnny Cash to exorcise your demons: “A boy named Newt.”
• Mitt Romney – (5-1) “Corporations are people,” eh Mitt? I totally get where you’re coming from because you have the charisma of Cyborg, Inc. The only “people” attracted to you are named “Roomba.”

Seriously, I can’t see any of these candidates competing with President Obama. The American electorate wants to vote for someone they can relate to. Remember how people polled said George W. Bush seemed like a guy they could have a beer with? The Republicans have that guy in their ranks and it concerns me that he could pretty easily be convinced to run. That guy is Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown.