It’s official. Pluto has been shown the intergalactic door and is no longer considered a planet by the International Astronomical Union. To me, Pluto will always be the last bastion of the solar system I grew up with, and there’s no freakin way I’m snipping Pluto off the mobile in my room.
The Plutoversy has produced some interesting commentary from the rocket science set, some of whom can’t seem to um, theorize beyond their own local spinning rock. I’m sure, for example, Alan Boss, a planetary theorist at the Carnegie Institution of Washington, was speaking universally when he declared, “We have a duty to satisfy the whole world.” Really Al? What if those nasty Klingons think Pluto is a planet in their hood?
Anyway, Pluto’s demotion really pissed some people off, including NASA’s New Horizons project mission head Alan Stern, who barked, “It’s a sloppy definition. It’s bad science. It ain’t over.” Love that passion, Al (another Al?) but I think we could probably spend $700M a little more constructively than on flying to Pluto, OK? Listen, I can predict with certainty exactly what the thing will beam back to Earth when it finally gets to Pluto in ten years: “It’s f#$%ing cold here.”
Finally, since every controversy can be analogized into a battle of the sexes, Jack Horkheimer, who has a better name than either Al, and is also host of the PBS show “Star Gazer, got cute when he said, “It’s like an amicable divorce. The legal status has changed but the person really hasn’t. It’s just single again.”
Speaking of divorce, Forbes magazine has some advice for their male and lesbian readers: “Don’t Marry Career Women.” So, I agree, but only if the “career” is at KFC. Seriously, if I ever get married, or even date a woman for any length of time, she’ll have to be smart. I mean, after the otherworldly thirty seconds of sex, I want someone interesting to talk with… Smart? Yeah. Married to their career? No, thank you. After all, how’s a woman going to be a good partner if she’s constantly thumbing her blackberry?