A place to indulge my narcissism... and write stuff...


Three nurses and two parents restrained the terrified young man as one breached the vein with the slenderest of needles. As the dark red flow slowly found its way to five clear tubes, all efforts were diversionary. Talk of new nieces and old movies now Broadway musicals barely misted over the hot, stinging trauma. Earlier in the day at yet another hospital, a noninvasive bladder ultrasound produced the same tears from fears.

Watching my son suffer on this day and every fucking day is hardening my heart. As I stared blankly down a hospital hallway waiting for the ER staff to make Kyle’s nightmare come true, I was tempted to ask my born-again ex-wife where her God was on this one. It’s an unfair question and I kept my mouth shut. As she stroked his hair, I knew she was suffering pain far worse than that of a pinprick.

I realize things could be far worse for Kyle and that his plight is dwarfed by the suffering of millions in this world from fate, greed, god, perversion, and selfishness. I’ve never heard a reasonable answer on why “God” allows it. Among all the the fucked up, backward thinking espoused by right-wing fundamentalists in this country is an opposition to stem-cell research that could help cure many diseases. Hmmm… A recent BBC article surmises America seems to be going through an Atheist “phase.” I hope it’s not a phase, but enlightenment to reality.

Historian Stephen Henry Roberts (1901-71) once said: “I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.”


  1. Anonymous

    Her God was there giving her strength to get through her heartache.

    Doesn’t God only promise eternal life – and nothing else?


  2. Anonymous

    That was good. I’m glad you didn’t ask mum that question. You’d never hear the end of it. Be strong Daddy, he’s gonna be ok, as long as we are there for him he’ll be ok.

  3. Anonymous

    God, as generally accepted by the monotheistic masses is a man-made creation used to justify hatred, slavery, bigotry, and misogyny amongst a host of evils. Now the religous right concept of the return justifies environmental damage to this planet because “all this is going to be destroyed anyway”. An agnostic’s tolerance can only go so far before it enters the realm of masochism.

    I don’t know what to tell you about your baby, he is so lucky to have the love of a wonderful father though.

  4. Anonymous

    First of all, no one has asked you to believe in God. For some of those who do believe, they find serenity and peace in their faith in the midst of personal crisis. Can you believe it??? I have seen it myself – people in far worse shape then Kyle, and they keep their chins up, a smile on their face and allow their hearts to still reach out to others. It’s totally okay that you think those types of people don’t “get it”…it really is. Just give people (no matter what they believe) some space to get through life the best way they know how. Good luck with Kyle.

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