Month: November 2006 (Page 1 of 2)

I’m watching football in glorious HD, but this picture is far more stunning! Make sure you scroll to the right…

First of all, for all of you, I dragged myself through thousands of Jenny McCarthy photos until I found this one that really captures the spirit of the season and Santa’s Little Helper. You’re welcome. Oh, I censored it too. If you want to see the rest of it you’ll have to go find it yourself…

I know all of you have been holding your collective breath in tingly anticipation of my annual (this is the first, actually, but I may do it next year, too…) “Orgy of Consumerism Gift-Giving Guide.” Let’s start sledding downhill, shall we?

I’ve never seen the film, but I hear it’s funny. Now you can give the gift of: The 40 Year Old Virgin Figure. During this holiday season, I guess it’s also a nod of sorts to Mary and the whole virgin birth thing.

The corporate world can be pretty rough and tumble. Next time you wrestle a co-worker down a stairway railing, you can have it immortalized on film with the Tony Hawk Helmet-Cam. Hey, and don’t be afraid to wear it at home when your mother in law is coming over.

I used to think I was cool because I had a blog, but now with 345,568,421 of them, it’s pretty much “jumped the shark,” as they say in Hollywood. Still, you can instantly make someone cool like me with a Plantronics Voyager 510 Bluetooth Headset with Multipoint Technology. Yeah, you strap this bad boy on an ear and you “get the looks,” if you know what I’m saying…

Staying with the theme of cool electronic toys, I wish I could recommend the Canon Rebel XT Digital SLR, but after the terrible customer experience I recently had with Canon, I will never buy or recommend one of their products. Until Canon makes it right, buy the Nikon D40.

Now I know some of you may be on Santa’s “naughty list.” Hey, one year I actually received a lump of coal from my lovely ex-wife. Anyway… I think you know who you are. If that’s you this year and you’re stuck buying yourself a present, go all out. That’s right, say “Screw the world, I’m taking care of me this year” and pamper yourself with one of these. Happy shopping!

In holiday news, this of the “bah humbug” sort, the Bush Administration has banned iPods and other luxuries from export to North Korea. It seems Kim Jong Il likes his luxuries, even though many of his people barely eat. What’s a poor dictator to do? If life were fair, nobody in the administration would be allowed to buy this either. Many believe that in spite of the ban, Kim will get his luxuries via the black market, but as one witty poster observed, “Now they have to buy Zune’s.”

Hey, let’s lighten up a bit, eh Francis? Jeez. I mean “Sectarianism” and “Moral Relativism?” I wasn’t feeling all that world-weary after experiencing “Sing Along Mary Poppins” at the Regent Theater in Arlington on Friday. Kyle said he liked it better than the show of the same name we saw on Broadway just two weeks ago…

I didn’t go pre-dawn on Black Friday like this kick-ass chick, but a little shopping was done. I picked up this for the second TV, these to crank my iPod in the kitchen and this bad boy as a present for he who shall not be named.

Kyle and his dad also hung out with Jessica and MacKenzie today. Jessica has been writing quite a bit and she’s pretty good, so I picked her up “The Pocket Muse” and the classic “Elements of Style” by Strunk and White. I also grabbed her “The DaVinci Code.” Yeah, I figure Dan Brown needs the money…

As a public service, here’s a tip for staying warm on the first day of winter…

In 1998, President Bill Clinton was impeached by the House of Representatives on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice, all related to his involvement with Monica Lewinsky. Of course the Republican efforts to “get” Clinton began with their “Whitewater” obsession, but they were happy to nail “Slick Willy” for a blowjob. Despite the gallant efforts of the Republican controlled House, the Senate sided with the American people (opposed to impeachment by a 65–70% margin), and acquitted Mr. Clinton. In the end, the self-righteous right made the impeachment a moral issue and dragged the country through the mud of Cuban exports and procrastination about dry-cleaning for the better part of two years. Yes, Bill Clinton lied when he wagged his finger and said, “I did not have sex…,” but impeachment?

Eight years later, impeachment winds are rustling the late-November leaves on the grounds of Capitol Hill. The people said “enough!” on November 7th and now the Bush administration may have to answer a few questions about:

• Warrantless spying on American citizens
• Valerie Plame
• Lying about WMD to justify War in Iraq

I’m trying to reconcile the “immorality” of Clinton’s adultery and lying about it against Bush and his team exploiting 9/11 and then lying about WMD in Iraq to justify their war, resulting in thousands of dead, including over 3,000 fathers, mothers, sons and daughters of those they lied to.

Things might have turned out so much better if Ms. Lewinski had just worked for Bush and Cheney.

It’s “Black Friday” and the faithful and non are out in droves throwing down on the biggest shopping day before Christmas… Oops… Can I write “Christmas” without offending someone? Sorry. And if I simply refer to the phenomena as “holiday shopping,” won’t I offend the right-wing defenders like Hannity and O’Rielly who insist there’s a dark “War on Christmas” that must be vigorously fought against? Um, sorry. How about I go with “the excessive orgy of consumerism occurring between Thanksgiving Day and December 25th?” That will probably offend people who really appreciate a good orgy, but isn’t that what many have become? A group of sects scanning the landscape for those who offend us?

An NPR headline today reads, “Sectarian Violence in Baghdad Kills at Least 130.” One definition of Sectarian is “Adhering or confined to the dogmatic limits of a sect or denomination; partisan.” Hmmm… That sounds like how some wish to suppress stem-cell research or gay marriage: Dogma.

The plot of Dogma is silly, but it allows for interesting socio-religious commentary in the conversations of its characters. In one exchange, Rufus, the 13th apostle played by Chris Rock explains his frustration at what man did to the good ideas of his “brotha:”

Rufus: He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name – wars, bigotry, but especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
Bethany (Linda Fiorentino): Having beliefs isn’t good?
Rufus: I think it’s better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier. Life should malleable and progressive; working from idea to idea permits that. Beliefs anchor you to certain points and limit growth; new ideas can’t generate. Life becomes stagnant.

In case you missed it, here’s much of Dogma set to Bad Religion’s American Jesus:

This post began after reading “A Free-for-All on Science and Religion” in the New York Times Online. The article discussed a recent conference, “Beyond Belief: Science, Religion, Reason and Survival,” that took up where Rufus left off in the ideas versus beliefs debate. The NY Times George Johnson wrote the gathering “rapidly escalated into an invigorating intellectual free-for-all.” It did bash the concept of religion quite thoroughly, but some in attendance were pragmatic about it. Francisco J. Ayala is a former Roman Catholic priest, and currently a evolutionary biologist at UC, Irvine. He acknowledged, “People need to find meaning and purpose in life,” he said. “I don’t think we want to take that away from them.”

I agree. Many wonderful people I know believe in God. Some of them have a personal relationship with the big guy and absolutely “know” He exists. What bothers me is when the position is intolerant of others because they are “right” and anyone not in line is “wrong.” That’s no different than “death to the infidels,” an extreme position of some Muslim sects. I do believe the world would be better off without the intolerance often born of the sectarianism of belief, but religion is not going away any time soon.

“lronically, the thing people are most hungry for; meaning, is the one thing science hasn’t been able to give them.” – Palmer Joss in the Carl Sagan novel, Contact.

Happy Orgy of Consumerism.

Kyle’s mom called tonight actually insisting she speak with the poor boy to tell him Celine Dion was going to be on “Deal Or No Deal.” Yikes! With Howie Mandel doing his best imitation of “Mr. Clean,” this waste of an hour has me really worried about my country when this crap is a hit show, and more importantly, what my son is subjected to when he’s with his mom. The only good thing I can say about it is that the Canadian diva wasn’t on…

OK, let’s get positive… I’m thinking of getting my mom “I Shouldn’t Even Be Doing This!: And Other Things That Strike Me as Funny,” an autobiography by Bob Newhart. The books first chapter opens with Mr. Newhart stating that comedians see life through a different lens. My first recollections of Mr. Newhart are from his appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I appreciated his dry wit and believe it had a lasting influence… He had two sitcoms on CBS in the late 70’s (Bob Newhart Show) and early 80’s (Newhart). I wasn’t a big TV watcher at the time, but knew enough about the first to really appreciate the ending of the second. On “The Bob Newhart Show,” he played a Chicago psychologist opposite Suzanne Pleshette as his wife, Emily. Many of their discussions took place in their bedroom which became a very familiar set to fans. In “Newhart,” a show I never saw, he played an innkeeper in Vermont. The second series ended with a brilliant and surreal nod to the first and may be the best ending to a sitcom in the history of television. I had never seen it, but ever since hearing about it over 20 years ago, I always wanted to. Now, through the magic of YouTube, I did and you can too.

I sit here at the virtual Thanksgiving table thankful about…

…hearing the sound of Kyle breathing while sleeping on the couch. About 45 minutes ago, he stumbled by from his bedroom to the couch. I gave him a pillow and wrapped him in a blanket. He said, “Happy Thanksgiving, Daddy.” A few minutes later he added, “I miss Megan.”

…Jessica’s recovery.

…being able to read and write.

…having a new boss who is one of the coolest and smartest people I’ve ever met.

…the richness of life that has nothing to do with money.

…a friend in Barb.

…artists of every medium.

…Kronos.

…finally emerging from my turtle-like shell to reach out and develop relationships.

…having enjoyed all those “Seinfeld” episodes before knowing Michael Richards is a bigot.

…good health.

…knowing someday she will come home.

She’s Carrie in my dream. She’s the smart, creative and beautiful one. She lives in Manhattan and owns it. Yeah, she has the friends… and the shoes. She writes and makes a good living at it. She is happy.

Dreams don’t always come true, but while they still can they remain dreams. I think she’s Carrie in her dreams too, but she’ll find her own way to whatever her dreams are.

While Nancy Pelosi’s push for enactment of the Honest Leadership and Open Government Act of 2006 is a promising start, others in her party aren’t even in their leadership chairs yet, but their comments hint at business as usual cronyism.

Dinosaur John Dingell (D-Michigan), a US congressman since 1955 is about to take over the chairmanship of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, occupying the seat currently held by Texas Republican Rep. Joe Barton. Mr. Barton, a Big Oil flak spent time this year investigating an oil company. Oh, but it wasn’t a probe into how ExxonMobil took advantage of rising crude prices to pocket $36B in profits. No, the good rep from Texas wanted to know if Citgo broke any laws with their program to provide discounted heating oil to low-income US communities.

It now appears Mr. Dingell will move away from cohorting with Big Oil, but slide over to the next street corner to prop up the drunken Big 3 US automakers. Yep, fellow Jurrasic period inhabitants Ford, GM and Chrysler all live in Dingellville and produce some of the the least fuel efficient cars in the world.

While some Democrats advocate a doubling of fuel-efficiency standards for the US auto market to reduce both greenhouse gases and dependency on foreign oil, Mr. Dingle isn’t so sure. In an interview with CNBC, he responded, “I’m not sure that there’s any urgent needs for us to address those questions.” He noted that any rule changes should weigh “the needs, the costs, the technological ability and the economic ability of industry and the market to absorb these changes.”

Fair enough, but voters in the 2006 election proved they’ll act to make changes with policymakers not exercising their will. Inaction on this issue combined with inevitably higher gasoline prices could make the Dinglesaurus in danger of extinction by 2008.

“I usually stuff the squid-head with breadcrumbs and put it right on the grill. It’s my own recipe.” Somehow our waiter at the Times Square Olive Garden thought we’d be interested in knowing that as he placed the calamari on our third floor table overlooking Broadway. That was the second grossest thing during dinner, just edged out by a hair in Jessica’s Shrimp Scampi. We were in too much of a hurry to make a stink about it, but the Olive Gardeners threw us a $20 gift certificate for our hairy situation.

Nine hours earlier a yellow taxi dropped us in the historic Chelsea meatpacking district. We were there to visit the Ground Zero Museum Workshop and we had about an hour before our scheduled appointment. Nature had granted us a beautiful and unseasonably fair day, so we just started walking. We’d only strolled about a block and a half when I saw an interesting and artsy doorway that was very active opening and closing for people of all shapes and sizes. We had no idea, but as their website describes, we’d “stumbled upon the heart of Chelsea, a one stop culinary food shop, a gourmet lover’s wholesale-retail wonder world, and an energetic, industrial-chic hotspot…” We’d entered the Chelsea Market. It’s a winding corridor of history, art, charm and shops lit by local art students sitting and sketching every few yards like candles lighting the way between florists, restaurants, bakeries and wine merchants. Practically perfect in every way…

The museum was in a small second-floor loft, and very well done. It contained WTC artifacts collected (not personal belongings) and poignant photographs taken by Gary Suson. One piece was the most chilling for me. It was AA11 aluminum fuselage melted into a warped Dali-like mutation. One photograph portrays a firefighter holding a book with his finger marking a passage. My mother told me not to miss it on the audio tour so I figured it was some biblical thing. In fact, the book was one in the Harry Potter series that his son, also a firefighter, had read to his two young children on the evening of September 10th, 2001. The son never got to read any more…

We walked quietly for a long time after visiting the museum, none of us speaking much. About an hour later, after walking a sun-drenched few miles along the Hudson River, Kyle and I were looking into the pit where the dust of the dead still rustles in the fall breeze. We grabbed a cab and got out of there.

The curtain rose at about 8:04 with chimney-sweep Bert alone on the stage. Two hours and forty minutes later Mary Poppins slowly glided off the stage and disappeared into the balcony above us. It was the last night of Kyle’s 14th year and it was one he’ll always remember. I’ll remember it too, but I’ll remember to read him Harry Potter even more.