Category: Uncategorized (Page 28 of 96)

The future is a perfect place for a procrastinator. It’s the place where “later” is. I’m not talking about the future of mankind or anything heavy, just a minute, hour, day or lifetime from now. OK, that was kinda heavy. Recently I stopped thinking about what lay out there and just started being there. Yes, this is another in a series of fifteenkey allegory for real events… Thing is, the “being there” thing started back around my reconnection with the “mayor” of Anthem, AZ, and the experience of all the buzz of life in his world. This life has been more fulfilling since walking through that dream sequence because it illustrated the “mystery of the quotient,” the “solve for X” as experiences with people.

Awakening from suspended animation is somewhat disorienting and scary. What happened while I was in the black pod with the little face window? Stuff. Stuff with people. Get togethers… Dinner and drinks with friends. Trips to far off places… Paris. Sydney. What? The Red Sox won the World Series? Twice? Sure, I read about it in the archives, but who knows what alternate reality I came back to, and that 0-3 comeback against the Yankees had to be some Orwellian historical revisionism, right? I stayed in the pod. What if someone came to hit my defrost button and I was away? Over the years, my caretakers looked through the glass and tapped on it, curious to see if there would be a flinch or any reaction. With regularity they attended to primary needs with gourmet meals and live aural therapy. There’s not much difference between comatose and dead, but the angels in my life weren’t going to let me flat line.

Waking up in Arizona had a surreal blur to it, but later tests indicated that was either a.) nearsightedness, b.) the Absinthe, or c.) my head was treated like Teddy Ballgame’s while cryogenically frozen. Yesterday I watched a young woman scan and bag a few groceries with one hand. Her left hand, whatever was left of it, was shrouded under her red Henley. The outline of it was shrunken with more the look of a birth defect than an injury. A wave of empathy crashed over me, but quickly subsided as she dutifully went about her job. Sure, she knows it’s there, but there’s life to live and she’s not letting a physical handicap impede it. My smile and “thank you” for her had a little more life to it than typically expected from a guy with a just thawed head. Apparently my heart survived the reanimation process just fine.

This post began with the intention of writing about “the future” without cliché. Reading it I’m reminded of an old post where one caretaker asked, “enjoying the acid?” Actually I am. I’m enjoying it right now. I’m enjoying the sound of Kyle doing a “Harry Potter” impression while playing PlayStation, and in stereo the nearby sweet music of mother-daughter conversation. I’m enjoying the sounds of this keyboard and I’m grateful to have it. There is no future. Well, no guarantee of one anyway. Right now. It’s everything, (never thought I’d quote Hagar era VH…) but I still need to finish a presentation for… tomorrow.

I know I’ve written ad nauseum (by the way, that means, “To a disgusting or ridiculous degree; to the point of nausea.”) about “an old friend” who said or did this or that, and specifically for this post, made reference to music speaking to you in a certain way depending on where you are in life.

Back around 1995 is when another old friend was feeding me CD’s by Uncle Tupelo and their offspring, Son Volt and Wilco. The angst of those records was counsel to my tormented soul back in those tumultuous years, but eventually I got to a point where those mid to late 90’s reminders became unlistenable. I simply didn’t want to regress, so a more upbeat substitute in the form of Sloan sat near as sonic therapist.

Saturday night as Kyle and I glided home after seeing a movie with new friends, Wilco’s debut, “A.M.” appeared first under the “Albums” click of the LeoPod. Somewhat tentatively I depressed the white right pointing isosceles. What jumped out of the speakers was joyful and alive. It just didn’t drag at me the way it once did. Of course there are still depressing songs on the record, but the music was jumping in a way that turned sad words glad. I sang and Kyle suffered through it, but not without complaining that Wilco is the worst band ever. Maybe he thought I was high.

You never looked in my eyes
Long enough to find
Any piece of mind
But now you got it
And I, I must be high
To let you say goodbye
Bye bye bye

I Must Be High – Wilco

After a wonderful dinner of Crazy Maki and Cold Gin, I thought I recognized an old high school classmate on the bathroom route. Uncertain of his identity, I opted against asking and we headed for the door and our goodbyes. Pulling out of the parking lot, I saw the guy again and stopped. Turns out it was Bruce and we caught up for a couple minutes. At one point he asked, “was that you over by the silver car?” When I responded in the affirmative, he added, “we speculated you two were having an affair.” I see… So what does an “affair” look like? My brief research didn’t turn up data on his third party perspective, but I did find on marriagebuilders.com, “50 Indicators of Infidelity. For the record, I’ve been single since 1996 and my date is definitely… Uh, well, let’s just say I’ve met enough of her friends and family to know she’s not married… Anyway, that being the case, I thought I’d run through some of this list in an effort to discover if any of my behaviors promped Bruce and his friend to see “affair” when looking at us…

50 Indicators of Infidelity
1. A sudden upturn in their demeanor or outlook on life. – Bad start. I will admit to that.
2. Constantly late. – Never!
3. More possessive toward wallet, pocket calendar or briefcase. – Nope.
4. Comes home more often with alcohol on breath. – Only on Thursday’s.
5. Starts talking about getting together with old friends they haven’t seen in years. – That’s a definite “no.”
6. Starts shopping for new clothes. – Do socks count?
7. Starts taking a renewed interest in their appearance. – Yesterday I let my Student-Stylist cut my hair, so… um, I mean… yes definitely!
8. Starts keeping an overnight bag in their car or office, ostensibly for a workout or a game of tennis. – One should always be prepared for a workout.
13. Takes a new interest in anticipated schedule. – Yes, see Thursday’s above.
16. Car is kept free of paraphernalia belonging to you or the kids. – Except for Maddy’s blocks and Kyle’s Voldemort wand, it’s a “cabin le affaire.”
17. Starts attending extended seminars or conventions. – Hmmm… 3 trips between now and early November…
18. Start using new words and phrases. – I hadn’t used “kazoo” in awhile.
23. Makes more phone calls late at night. – No. I hate the phone…
29. Smell of a different soap from the brand at home and/or you smell freshly showered at 1.00am. – Huh?
32. Loses a lot of weight and seems proud of new body. – Uhhh, well, that was before… and I’m still not content.
33. Saddest list item is: change in die-hard pro-life feelings on abortion. – Oh yeah, and I’m now also addicted to FauxNews.
35. Juvenile behavior and music interests!!! – I wouldn’t say that’s “changed.”
37. Knows all the new pop singers and has CD’s. – CD’s? When was this list compiled?
39. Uses the ATM way too much! – No comment.
49. Distances themselves from those with strong (any) moral values. – Yes, especially moralizing hypocrites.
50. Gets “coded” pager messages at all times of the day and night. – I freakin’ better not!

I don’t know. This list seems inconclusive. It must have been something else…

• For quite a while now, I thought filmmakers were employing a “soft” (read: slightly blurred) filming technique like the “shaking” method of“NYPD Blue” a few years ago. After looking through my friends glasses last night, I found out they are not…
• Even blurred, it’s interesting to see the contrasting visions of set design from each “Harry Potter” Director, but it detracts a little from the story continuity.
• There’s something missing in the Red Sox lineup this year and it’s a fearsome hitter. I think that guy plays in LA now.
• It just occurred to me I have to travel 3 times between early October and early November, twice to Sin City, which isn’t all that fun without the sin.
• Check out Pandora.com internet radio…
• Contrary to the market massaging melodies of Fed Chairman Ben “What, Me Worry” Bernanke, the recession is far from over for 14.5M unemployed Americans…
• …and his primary constituency at the “too big to fail” financial institutions are still too big and are back to gouging us and gambling with our money.
• And where the hell are the alt-energy stimulus dollars?
• I’m not crazy about Intuit buying Mint.com because it reduces competition, but as long as they keep producing valuable content like “The Power of No at work,” all is not lost.
• In all the noise on health care reform, the dire need to reform our financial system has been largely lost.
• Speaking of lost (again), it looks like after a lost summer of “death panels killing Grammy” the public option may become a reality.
• I’m looking forward to Michael Moore’s “Capitalism: A Love Story.”
• Prediction: with back room diplomacy appealing to the educated middle class with influence on the Muslim powerbase in Iran, Ahmadinejad will fall by the end of 2010. That country and its citizens have too much to offer the world and can no longer be run by the male Iranian equivalent of Michele Bachmann.
• Still on the subject of nuts, check out these “Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Spending $63,000 On Dinner With Sarah Palin.”
• Finally, could Bill Maher have dinner with Sister Sarah? I mean are Christian Conservatives and Liberal Elites mutually exclusive? I’m beginning to think not, but…
• …hearing “I loooove Rush” in an almost breathless exclaim really chilled my liberal mojo… I think the secret may be the ability to “have a civil conversation about those things…”
• With a presidential election, London Summer Olympics and the whole Mayan thing, 2012 is going to be quite a year…
• …but it’s best to remain focused on being alive in the present.

Tonight I stopped for a drink after work with marketing types catching up with a former co-worker turned Salsa instructor. Completely unlike me, I stepped it around and talked to pretty much all the dozen or so folks there. Last night I had dinner with a friend till way past my bedtime and Wednesday had a work buddy over for dinner and cigars. Last week was a great time with peers in Newport working the room and just talking to everyone I could. Today I walked around chatting with our team members and even put my head on a picture of a guy dressed as a can of Spam and sent it to oh, about 1,000 people (with an internal marketing message). What the hell is wrong with me? I don’t think I’ve seen an episode of “Dora” in 2 weeks!

Still over thinking as usual, determining the exact source of the problem eludes, but I may have been infected with this “people thing” during the “biggest loser” work contest of 2009 or during vacation. In fact, I may have caught it from my oldest pal Mike Gonnella, who acts like he’s the rush chairman of the Phoenix Harley Riders Association. I remember wanting that vacation to change me… maybe even break me out of the dark cave I’d been living in for so long. Now dwelling on it, the first symptoms appeared when I gleefully told anyone willing to listen about my “greatest vacation ever.” Once those first few steps were taken, I’ve “just kept running” in a Forrest Gump kinda way. This people fever may pass, but it does feel good to know I’m still alive.

Speaking of alive, check out the fans in this video. They are alive.

The 2009 “Value Voters” Summit was held last weekend in Washington DC. The headliners of the event included “15 current or former Republican elected officials or Cabinet members and no Democrats.” I guess winning isn’t one of their values. Of course, these fine folks had a Hollywood celebrity, the runt of the Baldwin litter, the talentless Stephen. The last “film” I saw this guy in was “Shark in Venice” on the SyFy channel. Now Kyle loves any movie with a shark in it, but it was dreadful and one Amazon reviewer described his performance thusly, “throughout the entire thing he looked like a guy trying to wake up from an Ambien hangover who is also slightly constipated.”

Anyway, the breakout sessions of this hoedown included:

• THUGOCRACY – FIGHTING THE VAST LEFT WING CONSPIRACY
• OBAMACARE: RATIONING YOUR LIFE AWAY
• THE NEW MASCULINITY

In “The New Masculinity” session, Michael Schwartz, the chief of staff of United States Senator Tom Coburn’s (R-OK) made the case that viewing straight porn turns adolescent boys gay because it “turns your sexual drive inwards.” What Mr. Schwartz whiffs on is the fact that women don’t um, have a hand in these boys fantasies because they’re not there. I doubt these little dudes would be waxing their Wii if Lara Croft suddenly jumped out of their game console. I’m just sayin’.

A DC summit wouldn’t really carry any credibility without a presidential poll, and here’s where the traveling “700 Club” hung their chads:

• Mike Huckabee 28.48% – I’d never vote for him, but the Huckster is OK with me.
• Mitt Romney 12.40% – Mitt’s got the Bain business pedigree and all, but he makes watching paint dry seem like a KISS concert. Plus, he’s a Mormon and these believers apparently don’t dig the tabernacle choir.
• Tim Pawlenty 12.23% – Who?
• Sarah Palin 12.06% – Carrie’s mom is a woman who clearly does not understand her limitations. I hope she is the nominee. I really do.
• Mike Pence 11.89% – See Tim Pawlenty above.
• Newt Gingrich 6.70% – Not since “A Boy Named Sue” has anyone been so pissed about what his parents named him. A Boy named Newt…
• Bobby Jindal 4.69% – Isn’t the Indian “Mister Rogers” a little brown for this group? Yeah, his numbers would indicate so.
• Rick Santorum 2.51% – Can you say, “Sanatorium?”
• Ron Paul 2.18% – The only one of this bunch that makes much sense, but I’m sure most attendees had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
• Other 1.68% – I think Ronald Reagan got most of these votes.

Seeing all these Republican nomads wandering the political desert in search of a clue is priceless and yet another annual stop to suck up at Intolerance Island is an indication they’re still far from finding one.

Another season is over. They seem to be accelerating toward the inevitable end. The last 50 or so seemed to blur by faster than this rock spinning at 25,000 miles an hour. Now the merry go round is passing by another Fall. As it comes into view, birth markers appear amidst hills of flaming colors and crisp fruit. The air is conditioned and clean. (Megan just walked by at 7:01 to say, “It’s beautiful out.”) The past several years I’ve always been looking ahead with intent to really enjoy the summer, the fall, the holiday season, whatever was next. Once those times pass, I’ve often looked back with a sense that I somehow missed something. Either we didn’t go to the beach, pick apples or sing Carols…

As a child riding the carousel, I would try to see everything and fully experience the ride before it stopped. I’d like a return to that childlike wonder in all I do before… Well, while this ride keeps spinning. Hey, it’s Fall again!

Some of this is from emails I’ve written today, recounting events that took place between 6:00PM last night and well, later. Some of the names have been changed because I don’t want people hatin’ on me.

First of all, at 10:32PM, and toward the end of a 90 FREAKIN’ MINUTE phone call (more on that later), I get an email from “Coach,” who, commenting on my recent blogging of the Pats game wrote, “He not only chased him down from behind, he tackled and landed on top of Jackson knocking every breath of air out of his lungs. I love Wilfork!” Coach was writing his regrets for not attending the NEC reunion due to his accommodations at Mass General Hospital last night. I hope Coach’s physical health improves, but I should note his mental health is far beyond the current capabilities of Freudian psychology or the vast pharmaceutical industry… Only he could read that blog post and know the freakin’ plays I was referring to.

At two hours past 7:00 I was getting some air outside a hot Irish Pub full of imbibing Marketing professionals when my lovely ex called me, and like an only-Andy Rooney episode of “90 Minutes,” recaps the reunion in gruesome detail. Long story, but right now she seems to be in a “whoever talks the most, wins” phase, and of course the first thing out of her mouth was, “Esmerelda (literary license) hasn’t changed a bit. She’s as beautiful as ever.” At that point I thought I was being mugged on the tough streets of Newport as a cold, stabbing pain seared my back, but it was only the cut of beautiful words.

As a “glass half-full” kind of guy, the fact I went three half hours without a glass at all was addition by subtraction. When I walked into the dive across the street that everyone had traded up to from the sauna, I was walking more upright than most. As the night regressed, I did learn that lesbians prefer comfortable shoes over heels, and “The U” may have a pretty good football team again. Oh, and while I had “Newport Storm” beer and Cabernet earlier in the night, Maker’s on the rocks just works. Speaking of work, it is for me to socially circulate, but I put the effort in and here are some of the things I heard…

From two different women I took in, “You have kind eyes” and “I was intimidated by your eyes.” So, I guess I have to be very careful about whether I wear my kind eyes or my angry eyes. Finally, aside from my knifing, was the coup de grace of my evening. As I shifted to dissuade the affectionate show of appreciation from a “one too many” 20-something in the bar, my ego was thoroughly enjoying the affirmation. “Yeah, baby. I still got it going on!” Or something like that. As I nodded and smiled approvingly, but also with mock humility at the compliments, the ultimate loud record scratch ripped through my cochlea like a rusty wire brush with, “You remind me of my Grampa.”

“Is someone twisting a knife in your back?
Are you being attacked?
Oh, this is a fact that you need to know”

Wilco (the song)

I’ll be in Newport, RI tomorrow night socializing with current work acquaintances while ex-cube farmers from NEC re-union in Boxborough, MA. Honestly, part of me would like to swap locations, but the hand of fate (yeah, I’m still on the B&B; kick) placed me a couple hours South. However, in an almost game time decision, my lovely-ex will be at the NEC gathering and yours truly got her a male escort for the occasion! Yep. My old friend Tommy K, who goes way back with me to NEC and is the guy responsible for me enjoying my current gig, accepted the challenge and will walk in as Gigi’s “arm candy.” (His words; not mine.)

There are only a few people on the reunion list I wanted to see, and it would have been very interesting to see them. Reunions are a time to see if the old flame that dumped you got fat and ugly or ended up with someone that did. Well, they are in my little mind… The starkest memories from the last reunion I attended were the confirmed alcoholism of a big HS drinker who was carried out of the hall, and the fact I didn’t recognize one of the “untouchable” girls from my class. Ooops. Sorry, I’m drifting. Anyway, I also was really surprised at the names I didn’t see, and when I read in the script, “Leo (in Newport),” it confirmed I was one of them. While I won’t be there, between the fabulous Gigi and “Tommy Bar” as my understudy, I expect to receive two very contrasting perspectives on the evening.

Pre-Game

• Uh, Tom Delay is going to be on “Dancing with the Stars?” As if that didn’t suck enough already. Jeez. I feel sicker than I did in the first quarter of the opener last year.
• Is TO the Kanye West of the eneffel?
• They should boot Hank Jr. and have Hank “tree” open these games.
• Already I can tell this isn’t as much fun as cracking right-wing nuts.

1st Quarter

• I think that kicker regrets going near Lawrence Maroney.
• Wow, that was a very generous spot on the 3rd down pass to Faulk…
• Hmmm… In the past Brady would have snuck for the 4 inches.
• OK, commercials suck, but the Autotrader one wasn’t bad.
• What a freakin’ neck on Posluszny
• Brady is jacked and overthrowing… Settle down, big guy.
• Um, that was a nice sweater.
• Oh, and Maddy can say, “Football… Woooooo!!!” She’s so talented.
• Hey, there’s Leslie’s TV!
• Nice tackling on that Trent Edwards scramble… WTF? This is football!
• Shouldn’t the Pat’s be up like 14-0 by now?
• Jerrod Mayo hurt??? Oh, wait, that’s not important. Let’s run an IBM commercial.
• Sorry, but Corona in a can just isn’t going to work.
• Vince is tired because he just chased down a running back on the prior play. Pay attention!
• Oh, what? The Bills scored?
• OK, at what point will the Pats figure out they need to block and tackle tonight?
• The Adrian Peterson B&W; Nike commercial is art.
• Didn’t Richard Seymour used to play where that big friggin hole has been all night?
• Well, that was a good first quarter for NFL fans already under a snow emergency…
  

2nd Quarter

• Gotta catch that, TO…
• I like the Bills effort on D.
• FIOS seems cool, but I can’t bear to give Verizon another dime.
• Man, Tedy Bruschi’s been invisible tonight.
• Two words: Kevin Faulk.
• Now THAT was a Brady rope to Moss!
• I repeat: Kevin Faulk.
• Nice drive, and the rust is coming off Mr. Brady. He threaded that pass to Welker.
• Who’s that Packer with the Fabio ‘do?
• Trent Edwards really needs to shave that cheesy ‘stache.
• Oh, yeah. I’ll be all over a Chicken Parm at Dunkins…
• It seems maybe Bill Belichick went all vampire on the asses of his defenders.
• Example Lee Bodden…
• The Dirty Dancer has died. RIP Patrick Swayze.
• Oh, and 63% of doctors favor a public option…
• I’m sure the ad agencies are cutting GM a break ‘cuz it’s our tax dollars, right?

Halftime

• Southwest loves bags.
• Can a guy in a marching band hat really be “the soul?”

3rd Quarter

• Intentional grounding maybe, but roughing the passer?
• Dickipedia entry for Kanye West
• Tom Brady sound a little like Beavis when he’s trying to draw the Bills offside.
• It seems Beavis is establishing a rhythm…
• If “that’s Tom Brady,” then who was that other guy?
• Oh, the other guy just threw a 4th and 2 at Welker’s feet.
• OK, I want that smiling jackass to be caught and mauled by the bear.
• The Pats are still losing…
• Now by 7 again…
• Buffalo is very undiciplined… Spearing?
• Brady runs for the first! He hasn’t lost a step… He’s still slow.

4th Quarter

• Bob Kraft has got to lose the blue shirt / white collar thing.
• One more time. Kevin Faulk.
• Maybe TO’s not big on Buffalo wings.
• 3 auto insurers duking it out tonight… I’m not mentioning them.
• What’s with the 1/2 second “Are your credit cards max…” commercialis interuptus?
• OH! TO mouthing off and the interference call is on him!
• Whoa… Nice screen for 17 and a first. Buffalo is believing it now.
• Adalius Thomas has been a disappointment. That penalty didn’t help.
• Wow is right.
• Wouldn’t 36 hour Cialis almost certainly cause some degree of lost vision and hearing, along with a pulled hammy? I’m just sayin’.
• Where does New England need to go? Uh, the end zone.
• Galloway? Seems he retired too.
• Nice catch, Ben.
• Good thing you didn’t drop that one or you would have been joining big Sey in Oaktown.
• Should have taken a knee, son.
• If the Bills lose this game, they beat themselves.
• I think this Christmas will be a good time to pick up a PS3, Wii or xBox. The price cutting is already underway.
• OK Ben, that was a sweet catch.
• Please just tackle now.
• “A defining moment for Trent Edwards?” Unlikely. These announcers… Every situation is not monumental. This one better not be.
• And in other rugby action tonight…

Postgame

• Couldn’t Brady just be gracious and tell Suzie Kolber he wanted to kiss her?
• The Patriots were very lucky to win tonight. If Mayo is seriously hurt, that defense is in trouble.